An independent 16.5 year study has linked coffee consumption to really warm and muddy poo.

I’ve been drinking coffee since about the age of 15.  Each morning starts just about the same - I wake up, shower, get dressed, hop on the train, and head to work.

Just before entering my building, I visit the coffee cart on 16th and 9th.  I pass the guy $1.25 and he hands me a ‘large-milk-no-sugar.’

He might as well be handing me a laxative.  Every time I grip that warm cup of joe, my sphincter quivers and my focus shifts from caffeine intake, to intestinal output.

This has happened every day for more than 15 years, so as far as I’m concerned this is a valid epidemiological study.

Here is the conclusion to my independent study:

Warm cup of coffee touching hand leads to instant desire to poop.

n = 1

Duration = 16.5 Years

Do you dare to prove me wrong?

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